Saturday, 25 May 2013

Acceptance

As I set out walking this morning in temperatures just above freezing, I felt angry that no one had told me to pack warmer clothes.  I entertained myself for a kilometre or so by mentally castigating  all those who i felt had given me poor advice on what (and what not) to bring on my Camino. 

Then another kilometer was swallowed up with irritation as I reviewed a variety of small acts of kindness I'd offered to fellow pilgrims that i felt hadn't been appreciated. 

Fortunately, I had about 28 more kilometres to work through the thought that perhaps only I can be held responsible for my choices, regardless of what advice is provided or what I offer to anyone else...



It occurred to me eventually that when I offer advice, gifts or acts of service, I'm really only doing it for my own benefit. I do it purely because the act is designed to increase my personal value to myself or someone else. Ultimately, m just teying to meet my own needs:  I really just want to be valued and accepted. 

If I truly understand this, then how can I be angry with anyone else for doing the same thing?  It's human nature and it's driven by our need to survive and thrive. 

When someone recommends which path to take they are simply trying to meet their need for feeling useful and for acceptance.  All of our needs are fundamentally the same. So why should I feel angry if I don't like their recommendation?  I am free to choose to follow their suggestion or not. If i fail to find value in the choice that was made, that is my responsibility, not theirs. 

Finding fault in others' opinions, actions or recommendations is futile. Each of us has our own needs and agendas.  All I can do is learn to accept my own decisions and the decisions of others. I will just be unnecessarily angry and frustrated otherwise. I could minimize the number of kilometres i walk angrily on this planet if I genuinely accept this truth. 


Which led me to consider that on a larger scale, it would serve me well to accept that my whole life is really very much my responsibility. 

 I've lived many years in a holding pattern, pretty much waiting for someone to come and save me. That's how I imagined it should be. But if we are all simply living to meet our own needs, how can i continue to have faith in the model of two adults living "for" each other?  It's not a realistic model. 

Fortunately, my Camino adventure has taught me much about how strong and independent I can be:  I'm surrounded by excellent role models (including you, Darlene). 

 I'm starting to relish the idea that I can write my own script. I have an awesome opportunity to do exactly what I want with the rest of my life.

I don't know exactly how it will look - in fact, it might not look very different at all to others. But although my new life may (or may not) involve massive external changes, things will look a lot different from the inside. 

i will be working towards accepting my own decisions and the decisions of others.  its exciting for me to know that 

a) i can accept that everything and every choice is perfect for me; and 

b)  I can accept that I'm not required to depend on or change anyone else. 

So there is little need for frustration, disappointment, anger or resentment with myself or anyone else. The rest of my journey is mine and i can do it any way i please. All I know is that I am committed to looking for knowledge along every kilometre of my path. 


Ps. I'm more than halfway to my final destination on the Camino:  Santiago de Compostela. Tomorrow I will spend the day and night in Leon with my happy little crew of Camino friends. 



2 comments:

  1. accept the things i cannot change, have courage to change the things I can, have the wisdom to know the difference.

    that's from an old poem.

    Hi Angela, it is like you are opening up the valves of your self. What is this self, Ekhart Tolley famously asked. It is the self that I can change, it is the other (people, places, things) that I cannot change. they must change themselves.

    Enjoy Leon, the town, the cathedral, the various religous outbuildings. pick up a choir in a church. A goal I set for myself is, 100 choirs/concerts in 100 churches. So moving.

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  2. Wow, Angela - you are having some soul shaking experiences and reflections - I think you are getting what you are looking for on the Camino. I look forward to hearing more of your conclusions, and meeting you on your return. Hope you are enjoying the cathedral and the city - if you like Burgos, you will love Leon!
    Thanks for the mention.
    Darlene

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