God Lives Here

OMG!  Today was even more spectacular than yesterday!  Wow. I'm blown away. I took another side trail today, less travelled by pilgrims, and I arrived in a tiny village (Samos) dominated by a Benidictine monestary that has been functioning since the 6th century!!!  I'll be meeting my pals shortly for dinner on a sunny patio. Following that, we'll be attending a full vespers service (including gregorian chanting in the ancient stone cathedral), and a full mass. I'm scared... I don't feel worthy!

Part of my learning experience here includes coming to terms with my disappointment and anger with the the Roman catholic religion. I initially responded with repulsion to the great cathedrals, devoted clergy, and multitude of religious remnants. I could only judge this overealous and historically violent faith as bordeirline insanity. 

....

Just going to bed now after the church service, followed promptly by drinks with my buddies. The mass moved me to tears as I confronted my own responsibility for my disillusionment with the church.  I'm starting to figure out that condemning the church is just another defensive act on my part. A macro example of my petty judgements and failure to accept love...

Again, I find myself seeing things from a new perspective:  there is no one to be angry with - the Catholic Church merely represents individuals trying to understand and experience God.  How can I find fault in that?  I am doing the same thing on my own terms. None of us is perfect - not even the priests - though we all want to trust that there is perfection on earth. We make of God what we need to, but God is simply love. I am capable of accepting and experiencing that. I felt god's presence all day in the heavenly creation of this countryside. It is enduring, it is magnificent, it is unknowable, it is holy. I am absolutely worthy of knowing that!